I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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