Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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