I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
