is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
