sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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