from now on my penis is your penis
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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