she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my being single is dangerous.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize