I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
