the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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