I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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