Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
