Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
