dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
