is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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