if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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