he thought i was a dude.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
