how can u be prego again
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize