It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
