I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
