Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
