I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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