I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
