Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
