if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
