you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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