He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
