I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
