She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
