the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
