I'm jealous of your bromance
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
