the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
