ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
