Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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