I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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