ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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