When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
