they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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