her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
