I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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