If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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