Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
