Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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