So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
