She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
