Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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