If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
