just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize