Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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