I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He is an equal opportunity slut.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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