Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
