we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
