perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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