someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
