I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
