I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm like, not good at living.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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