i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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