i already hear my dad disowning me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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