Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
