I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
