I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
