Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize