Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
