what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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