i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
