Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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