Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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