I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
