I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He passed out mid-signature
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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