He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
