The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
