i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
