...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
