I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
