If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
