Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
